Small Victories

Sometimes I feel exhausted. I have days where I seriously think if I pour one more ounce out of me I will shrivel up and die. Yes, that is dramatic. Sometimes I feel discouraged. I think that I will not change this world, that when I die I will not be remembered for changing anybody's life. Sometimes I am lazy. Sometimes I am prideful. Sometimes I am apathetic. Sometimes I listen to lies.
That sounded like a sob story. I want to be real. Transparent. My life is no where close to being perfect. It can be hard, frustrating, emotional and challenging. But that is life. Thankfully, I know Truth. Thankfully, sometimes I do all of the above, but during those moments of insecurities I rely on Jesus, my Sustainer.

I do feel discouraged and totally inadequate to make a difference in my community. The best part of that is acknowledging that it is true. I am completely inadequate. Weakest person I know. But that is no excuse to avoid greatness. Jesus is better than all of that and He works through me.

I want to share victories that I got to see in the last week.
I remind myself the victories because I am thankful. It encourages me. There is something way bigger than myself.

One- I got to see Jesus in such a powerful way with my friends last Friday night. We sat around candles and shared our hearts. We were vulnerable, real, and loving. Sometimes I feel like our community has moments similar to the beginning chapters of Acts where the disciples spent time together in such a radical way. My friends and I cried and laughed, but most importantly we shared life. It was beautiful. It was a night that I will always remember.

Two- I got the opportunity to hang out with my dear friends Renee, Casey, James and Tasha a lot recently. We are all doing the same ministry at East Mont High School, so super sweet to get to share my life with them. And learning to be more intentional with them. We got to go on an adventure together. We went horseback riding. So much fun, until I got bucked off a horse.... (real story, I thought that only happened in movies)

Three- I have been praying constantly to share my life with specific high schoolers in hopes that they will grow closer to Jesus. This prayer has been going on seriously for two years. It has been my own lack of faith to want it to be done in my own timing. But this past week, two high schoolers approached me as being so teachable and interested and learning more about who Jesus is. That is the greatest gift I have ever recieved. I want nothing more than to introduce Christ and deepen that relationship.

Four- Sometimes I feel like I am fighting against great odds. I have encountered almost ever dramatic home life imaginable. Homeless, fatherless, food stamps, no food, abuse, neglect, pregnancy, prostitution, drugs, gangs... my heart is still processing these lifestyles I have encountered. I feel like sometimes there is so much on the line. How could I not follow Jesus into the homes of the broken? But all of this heartbreak leads to more of a broken heart than a victorious one.... But tonight, a high schooler who has seen more than I have in my life laughed in my car on the way home tonight. She laughed. A layer was peeled, a wall broken down. That is a victory.

Everyday beholds small victories. It is just about whether we have the right contacts on to see them.