Stop ceasing

If it were up to me, I would have a lot more friends that were my own age. Wow that sounds depressing... I am going somewhere with this so hang in there. I would have friends that are a lot more like me, not girls who have purple hair, or grew up in a trailer park. If I had to predict my college life five years ago, I would say I will end up in a sorority, majoring in anything that will end up making me a lot of money, and spending all of my free time probably with a red solo cup in my hand (that's just what I assumed college girls did).
Thank God He had something different in store for me!

I am completely opposite than anything I would have ever predicted. I spend my free time going to High School basketball games. Or meeting with local guidance counselors about how to stop eating disorders. Or driving with high school friends to waterfalls in the middle of the night just because it is adventurous. You can say I'm lame. My life is going in a completely different direction and that is scary to me.

I have been thinking about dreams a lot lately. Not the ones you have after you fall asleep (although I do wonder why Tim Riggins keeps popping up in those!), but my dreams for my life. My dreams for who I want to be. And I realized how distorted my dreams are. It is as though I do not want to dream too big for the fear of failure. What if I don't make something of myself? But I am determined to make a difference in this world. And I do believe I will. So lately, my mind has been intoxicated with this summer, or when I graduate, what is the radical thing I will do? Go to Spain, or Africa or innercity New York? At this current moment I have literally 16 different internet tabs open for different options. (Can you say obsessive?)

Then it was just a whisper, "Stop".

Okay, I did not know what that was about. So I began to search the only source of Truth I know. And there it was, plain and simple. Seriously, it was the first page, the first thing I read.
"Cease striving and know that I am God" -Psalm 46:10
BOOM! That is what I define as a smack in the face. I was silent. Other versions say "Be still". Oh and it does not stop there!

I started reading this book called Kisses From Katie (must-read!) And it talks about the concept of how ordinary people live extraordinary lives. I think I have been so enthralled with being extraordinary that I have forgotten I am so ordinary. Less than ordinary really. I need to focus on the small things right now. Every life I encounter matters. Right now. I want to be where I am, right here, where I am meant to be right now. I am not in Africa. I am not in Spain. I am in Montgomery county, the poorest county in Virginia and saying there is a need here is an understatement. I am a missionary even if I am not oversees. Yes, I am an ordinary college student, but I want to make a mark here. I want to obey in the direction God is pushing me to even if by our society's standards it is lame. I want to be in a different standard. I don't want to conform. I don't want to settle. I will change this world. Mark my words, but it will not be me, I am far too inadequate, but here's the thing God is a lot larger than the box I sometimes put Him in.